Single White Male - The Phone Sex Diaries

I know what you’re thinking: this guy is a loser who sits around in his underwear all day, as he jerks off all over the phone out of desperation because he can’t get laid any other way.


Let me tell you the truth. I’m in my thirties, own a successful business, travel frequently for pleasure, and I’ve been engaged three times to absolutely gorgeous women my friends lusted after but didn’t like as people. When the lust wore off, my opinion of my friends went up and my engagements went down.

After the last break-off, I resorted to what most men do when they want to get laid; I hit the bars. Here's something most women don’t know about men--sex is a need, an itch we absolutely need to deal with after the cold showers no longer have an effect. When we go to a bar, we're looking to scratch the itch. Women always have the hope of a relationship when they stumble home with us after last call. We don't even think about such distractions.

I spent several months waking up with a hell of a hangover and ending up with either a woman of dubious character or a semi stranger attempting to be suzy homemaker in my house. Too often they were emotionally needy at a time in my life when I wanted to be free of the burden of a serious relationship. I truly felt bad about hurting some of these women like this. I wanted to be able to answer my phone without screening the calls for hysterical weeping and horrible accusations.
So I tried phone sex.

It took awhile to find the “right” one. I made the usual mistake of calling the cheapest. These turned out to be some kind of phone sex factory where the girls are obviously reading from a pre-written script. After hearing one stumble over her lines, I hit the web for independents and amateurs. I count this as one of the major smart decisions of my life.

Until I find someone I both lust after and like as a person, phone sex is an honest, honorable alternative. It also cuts way down on STD’s and those “honey, I’m late” phone calls when no matter how good the intentions... the latex does shred, fall off, or proves itself mysteriously ineffective. As far as the cost? I've more than made up for it by staying out of bars, no longer paying for suspicious abortions I really didn't want to know I was being taken for, and giving gifts only when I want to. Not because I'm buying off another late-night mistake who turned up in my bed in the morning.